A Life Less Filtered

Recently I met someone for the first time that I had got to know through Facebook and when we were actually sat face to face over lunch I was quite startled at how different she looked from her glossy social media presence. Now this probably sounds like I’m being a bit mean but I have to say that I actually preferred the real unfiltered version with  the faint laughter lines, the smudged lipstick and the slightly crooked teeth. The unfiltered version shouted to me…I’m real!! I’m a person!! I don’t really have bunny ears.

We live in a society that’s obsessed with filters. We are force fed images in magazines of perfect creatures with prefect skin and airbrushed curves. Is it any wonder that we are breeding a generation of emotional vulnerable teenagers who fear that anything removed from perfection is unacceptable. We can turn ourselves into cute animals or superheroes at the press of a button, smooth out our skin and whiten our teeth on our iPhone and then delete our images if we aren’t “liked” enough. Its a vicious circle of validation, negativity and loathing as we constantly seek the positive affirmations that we feel will lead to our mental nirvana but actually land us sweating profusely in hell.  Why is being real not good enough?

Step away from social media and the devil that calls itself airbrushing, our brains do a pretty good job of filtering out the nasties anyway. A good old filter can not only be applied to a photo but to people and life itself. This past weekend I found myself almost inconsolable over the death of Prince Phillip. I met him years ago and we had exchanged a few words and he seemed a pleasant enough chap and as story after story came out over the weekend of his life of duty and service I conveniently filtered out all of the negative press that I had heard about him over the years. I stand by the fact that he was an exemplary consort to our Queen but was he perfect? He was a human being after all so probably not.

When my parents died a few years ago I listened to the eulogy and thought that they perhaps should be canonised. Yes I recognised all of what was said but that wasn’t the whole unfiltered picture. Even in death we apply a  glossy spin to remind ourselves that only perfection is acceptable. They were really good and kind people but again, they had faults…they made mistakes. Don’t we all?

At The Power of You we encourage people to embrace their imperfections and to avoid the comparison trap. Isn’t life more about the moment than frantically ironing out any wrinkles that we gain along the way?  I am always reminded of the scene from Shirley Valentine where she tries to cover up her stretch marks on a romantic boat trip with Tom Conti. “Don’t hide these lines” he says, “These lines show you have lived”. She bats him away but as corny as it sounds its absolutely true. Real people get wrinkles…its called ageing. The grim reaper is going to start getting confused if we start turning up all smooth skinned and glowing!

As we step out of lockdown into real life we will be leaving behind the protection of our zoom filters and ring lights and standing face to face with reality. Why not embrace it. Our lumps and bumps and lines and wrinkles are unique to us. They show that we have lived, that we have survived. These imperfections are what make us unique masterpieces.

So my advice is to ditch the filters. Let people see you in a light that isn’t designed to flatter but one that shows you as you are – an individual.

And as for my eulogy… when the day comes I would like to be remembered as I am. Perfectly imperfect in every way.

Lockdown Lid Lifting

It’s been just over a year since we first went into lockdown and I can vividly remember the first announcement, it almost felt bizarrely quite exciting as we were ordered to “Stay At Home”. This was history in the making and we were part of it. I slugged back a glass or three of wine and did what most people did in lockdown one – got fatter.

Fast forward to March 2021 and thankfully my muffin tops have receded and I’m back in my skinny jeans but it has been a real period of personal highs and lows and now, as we move into what looks like a more normal world, I’m sharing my anxieties about how it is going to feel when we are finally set free.

Lockdown for me in my early fifties has been pretty tolerable. I can easily work from home and whilst I’m not exactly technically savvy I can find my way around social media and zoom so communication with the outside world has been daily and intense. Whilst I may have been a party girl a long time ago I am now more than happy to be in bed with my hot chocolate at ten pm and I’m not one for pubs and (uugghh) certainly not clubs. Give me a Reece’s bar and a good box set and I’m happy. Of course I’ve missed seeing family and friends and its been hard to watch as some of them have struggled with the isolation. I think that we all try to help and support the best we can but sometimes the only thing that really works is a huge hug from a loved one and we have all missed those.

For me the benefits of this enforced period of isolation have definitely been a prolonged period of self reflection. Pre pandemic I was living life on fast forward and missing out on the best bits as I hurried from day to day. Now I see the pleasure in a clear sky, the beauty of the spring flowers, even the soft touch of a morning breeze on my cheek. I no longer rush my meals but savour each mouthful, I am more resourceful, more creative, less wasteful and I like to think that I have become a more caring and compassionate member of society. I have realised what matters. It’s not fancy clothes, a fat bank account or holidays splashed all over Instagram. It’s not numbers of followers or likes, high flying careers and staying late at the office because everyone else is. The things that matter are very simple. Family, friends, relationships full of love. Time spent being present and doing things that you enjoy. Time – time to relax, unwind and be still. Time to just be. Daydreaming, long lie ins and laughter. Things that don’t cost money. Things that I have overlooked because I have always been so busy.

I know that a lot of people will feel anxious about the months ahead and what that may look like so my advice would be to take things slowly, an hour at a time if it all feels too overwhelming. You don’t need to rush out or attend every event just because you can. Do what feels comfortable and take things back to basics. Don’t feel pressured doing what you used to do. The world will hopefully unfold slowly so we will have time to adapt and adjust to what it looks and feels like. There is always an opportunity to reset and start again and you can press that button anytime you please.

One of the things that I worry about (worry probably being too strong a sentiment) is wearing heels again. My feet have had decades of being stuffed into stilettos and have definitely benefitted from the enforced rest and my lovely comfy Uggs as workwear. So I’ve decided to give my feet a break and ease them in gently with lower heels and less time teetering on the brink of bunions. Wearing flat shoes doesn’t make me a bad person – just a short one so I’m going with it!! Stress over.

I also worry about invitation overload and having to go out again. I have heard my friends saying that they will be doing everything but I know that this isn’t the route I want to take so I’ve decided to not feel guilty about it and just be honest. There is nothing wrong with saying no and reclaiming time back for yourself – even after a year of isolation. The right thing to do is what is right for you and these are the rules that I’m laying down for my lockdown reveal.  

So lets head towards the summer a little older and a lot wiser. We are the fortunate ones to still be here so now is the time to make a future that we have control over, a future where every day contains some rest, some reflection and a huge dollop of self care.

One day at a time with, or without heels.

Step Into Spring

February is a strange month and  this year is no exception. As we all wait with eager anticipation for Boris’s “roadmap” out of lockdown it would be fair to say that most of us are literally counting down the days when we can head to the beer gardens and bond with our friends over tepid pints and scotch eggs again.

February is also a strange month for weather. One day you step outside wrapped up like an Eskimo as the Northern gale force winds literally blow you off your feet and the next day it’s ten degrees warmer and we are all wearing shorts and rejoicing that winter is over once again before it returns the following day along with our now standard teddy fleece bedding and log burning stoves.

Life is a little bit like the weather at this time of year. One day it’s sunny and you are feeling warm and relaxed and wiggling your newly painted toes in your summer sandals and the next day an unexpected cloud appears and drenches you leaving you slightly battered,  shivering and wondering if the sun will ever come out again. The good news is that it always does.

Good times and bad times, rainy days and sunny days come and go as we travel along life’s path. Whatever life throws at us we can equip ourselves to weather the storm (remember there is no such thing as bad weather just inappropriate clothing). The more time we spend on our self care the more resilient we become and the more tools we add to our toolbox to be able to cope with a stormy period.  Life, like the weather, isn’t all about sunshine and also, like nature, we need a little rain to help us grow.

That being said I’ve really enjoyed the last couple of days as the milder air has encouraged the bulbs to start peeking their heads through the soil. I’ve developed a habit of purchasing £1 bunches of daffodils from the supermarket and their beautiful golden trumpets signify to me the start of a new season and a sense of hope for the months ahead. I love looking ahead to Spring and watching nature come back to life after the grey winter months.

One of the things that I have really learned over the last year is that whatever the weather a day can still be beautiful. I spent a good fifteen minutes sat in my car a few days ago in sub zero temperatures just marvelling at the intricate ice crystals that had formed on my windscreen (ok I know that sounds a bit weird but they really were very beautiful), then today I watched a pair of blue tits dancing through the air as we experienced an unusually mild day.

Even on a rainy day just being inside feeling cosy and dry can feel quite satisfying and calming as can splashing through the puddles in my brightly coloured wellies with two muddy dogs in tow which is no longer a chore but an opportunity to breathe in fresh air and have a bit of fun.

So Spring is nearly here but remember that despite the longer days and warmer weather an unexpected icy blast may return at any time. All you need to do is stay prepared, stay calm and stay focused and the storm will pass leaving clear skies and new opportunities. 

Lets Get Spring Cleaning

At Power HQ we are all about structure and routine so much that we are practically leaping out of bed in the morning and telling ourselves how amazing we are before we do fifty squats and a couple of star jumps. Its great to get ourselves mentally organised but sometimes a good old tidy up can have a really therapeutic effect on both body and soul.

Ok its not officially spring yet but I saw a clump of snowdrops in the garden this afternoon so that’s a good enough reason to think that winter is retreating and we will soon be basking in glorious sunshine – ah well I can dream cant I?

I am a huge lover of organisation and have been know not to go to bed until my wardrobe is properly colour co-ordinated. My Mum used to say “That girl can fill a bin” – praise indeed for someone whose idea of a good time is depositing trash at a local recycling site. I love everything being neat and tidy and I also find clearing out the clutter very soothing.

Simplifying and keeping our environment clean and tidy has huge benefits and whilst I appreciate that this can be hard when we are in lockdown and home schooling we really don’t need so much “stuff” and living in a cluttered environment is extremely stressful. Once I learned that possessions really didn’t make me happy and that a shopping trip was just a quick high that soon dissipated I started to really love and appreciate what I actually had.

A  couple of years back a friend and I set ourselves a challenge of not buying any new clothes for a year. I cheated a bit and bought some shoes but after a couple of months I really started to embrace the challenge and of course I benefitted financially too. I found things in my wardrobe that I hadn’t worn for years simply because the lure of a shiny new object was so strong. I gained back so much time I would have normally spent scrolling the internet for new outfits and then visiting the post office to return them as the majority weren’t right for me (or had been bought in a prosecco fuelled haze).  I started to really appreciate what I had and even wore an old ball gown to a charity event that I was hosting  – this normally would have sent me into a buying frenzy.

The wardrobe is just one area that we can downsize but having a spring clean can feel a bit overwhelming so my suggestion is to start small. Spend fifteen minutes a day clearing out a cupboard or a drawer and if you haven’t used something for six months then bin it or, even better, pop it in your charity bag (one mans trash is another mans treasure and all that). You will be amazed at the sense of satisfaction that you get from streamlining your life. Don’t get emotionally attached to that old bottle opener you bought in Spain twenty years ago that is gathering dust at the back of the drawer or those glo sticks you saved from a girls weekend in Ibiza. Be ruthless and remind yourself that the less you have the easier it will be to keep things clean and organised.

So dig out the rubber gloves and a bin bag and get sorting. And as the wonderful Marie Kondo says “When you tidy you gain a little confidence. You start to believe in the future”.

I’m Ditching The January Lockdown Blues

IT is officially 2021 and we are back into another lockdown coupled with the obligatory January blues where the skies always seem to be threatening and pay day feels as though it’s a long way away. The good news is that we are at the mid way point and spring is on the horizon along with the roll out of the vaccine. Is normal life going to resume sooner rather than later?
As I’m writing this blog I’m looking out at an almost picture perfect winter scene. The snow is inches thick and laying heavy on the ground. The world is gently muffled and I’m warm and cosy inside, with my two dogs laid at my feet, feeling more grateful than I feel miserable and there’s a reason for that. Last year I decided to focus on what I have in my life rather than worry about the pandemic and the many things that I can’t control. Every morning when I wake up a write a few words in my diary that draw my attention to the things that I have and it’s been instrumental in helping me through what has been a very challenging year.
In my Facebook group we share our gratitudes every day. It can be something as simple as a cup of coffee in bed, time to read your favourite book or binge watch a box set, a walk on a frosty morning  or a doorstop delivery from Betty’s (now I would be grateful for that). They may sound like small things but they are often things that we take for granted, things that are just part and parcel of our everyday lives. Focusing on small things each day has made me fall in love with the life that I have. It’s not without its challenges but each day I am literally counting my blessings. 
One thing that this pandemic has taught me is to slow down and appreciate things. I’ve spent much of the last twenty years living my life with my finger very firmly on the fast forward button and I’ve been forced into a situation, as we all have, where I have the time to literally take stock. I’ve reconnected with friends and family, I’ve reviewed my finances and stripped out any unnecessary outgoings, I’ve decluttering and discovered the joy of crafting and I’ve learned to love and appreciate my home which may sound strange but pre covid it was literally just somewhere I laid my metaphorical hat in between outings to the office. Now my home has become a sanctuary that I love, it’s where I feel safe and protected. It’s where I can just allow myself to “be”. I guess you could say that I have literally woken up and am smelling the roses. 
So January for me has become like any other month. I’m ignoring the social media posts that say people have tried their seven day trial to 2021 and wish to cancel their subscription and instead I’m maintaining a sharp focus on the positives. If you are reading my blog then you have survived 2020 and I for one am grateful for that and for all the opportunities that lie ahead of me.  Im ditching the diet and if someone leaves me a doorstep delivery then I’m going to take a big bite of cake and enjoy it!! 

A Year To Remember

By the time this blog is published we will probably have taken down the decorations, perhaps gone back into lockdown and inevitably broken at least one of our New Years resolutions. Life is pretty predictable like that.
2020 was, however, anything but predictable. Certainly for me it was a year of huge change (more of that later) but for all of us we experienced becoming part of history as we lived through, and continue to do so, a global pandemic.
I sometimes wonder when and if we will come out of these strange times and if life will ever be the same again but I also hope in a lot of ways that life won’t return to how it was before. 
On New Years Eve I wrote this poem which explains how I feel my life has been impacted in a positive way.

A New Years Eve Reflection

As the sun starts to set on the year that wasAnd the light begins to dim and the muted revellers raise a glass to welcome the new year in.

We reflect on twenty twenty the strangest year that we have known when our whole world turned itself upside down and the future was unknown.

We learned to live a different life with hand wash, masks and zoom where we socially distanced and stayed at home and the news was filled with doom.

But for me I watched with open eyes as a whole new world unfurled where kindness prevailed and life slowed down where we listened and we heard.

I made new friends and started hobbies things that mattered rose to the top. I saw the beauty in the sun and the stars the caress in a single raindrop.

I embraced family from a distance I listened and I cared no rushing around in an endless whirl precious time with loved ones was shared.

So my friends the year that’s passed by take from it lessons learned time is a gift and it is precious make your life one that is earned.

Start each day with gratitude and thanks count your blessings not your woes learn to love the life bequeathed to you see the highs and not the lows.

A peaceful New Year may I wish to you Good intentions we all will setLet this blank canvas of time given to us this eve be our happiest and healthiest yet.

So whilst I haven’t exactly welcomed Coronavirus I have embraced a different pace of life and I know that many others have experienced this too. Slowing down sometimes actually helps us to be able to see exactly what is in front of us rather than life passing by in a frenzied blur. Sitting and taking stock helps us to focus on what’s important and to sift out any unnecessary or unwanted drama. Living a simpler and more mindful life can actually unlock a door to a much more tranquil existence.

On New Year’s Day my husband said to me that he was glad to see the back of 2020 and my social media timeline was filled with similar sentiments. We tragically lost his father (my father in law) just before Christmas so I understand completely why he would want to close the door on a year that brought him so much pain personally but I urged him to focus on the good things that happened in 2020. We got to spend a lot more time together in lockdown which we enjoyed immensely, as previously, with our busy schedules, we were like ships passing in the night. We decided to sell our house and downsize, something we would have been too busy to even contemplate pre pandemic. I set up my consultancy with my son and we delivered a very successful online programme and have had incredible feedback from people out there who wanted and needed our support and much more.

As humans we like to draw lines under things and close doors on periods of time that have been difficult. It’s second nature to us but I urge all my followers to try and look at things differently, to turn the world upside down. Every year, month, week and day (and sometimes even hour) has its high points and its low points so rather than focus on the negative let’s focus on the good things that happened and the lessons that we have learned. So yes, 2020 has been an incredible difficult and tragic year but it has also been a year where people have shown unprecedented levels of kindness and where we have seen the best in many. It’s been a year when people have realised what’s important and appreciated the things that they once took for granted (like hugs). I sincerely hope that once this pandemic is over we all retain that sharp focus on family and community and don’t fall back into a high speed, filtered existence.

A Different Kind of Christmas

Christmas for me has never really been about gifts or food. I love the Christmas lights and the carols and the feel good movies and soppy adverts and of course I enjoy the opportunity for a bit of overindulgence (who doesn’t like to eat mince pies for breakfast and not feel guilty). For me it is more about having the opportunity to just relax and enjoy being with family. I don’t buy into all the consumerism and hate to see the images on social media of presents piled high under peoples trees as though its a competition. Personally I just prefer a simple day sat by a roaring fire and a nice festive movie with a side helping of hot chocolate. Christmas can be whatever you want it to be and in a time where we are governed by rules its important to take time out to do what you want to do and make space in the day for your own indulgences.

At this time of year we are force fed images of perfect Christmas scenes with families sat merrily around a table loaded with goodies. We all aspire to have the ultimate “John Lewis” Christmas but for most of us the pressure is so high that we are setting ourselves up for failure. Some of my favourite Christmases have been when we haven’t followed the crowd and done our own thing. If you want to have beans on toast for Christmas lunch then that’s perfectly ok –the poor old turkeys deserve a break anyway. We live in a society that demands perfection and where we are constantly told that failure is not an option but I urge you all to lower your expectations and remember that its just one day and those twenty four hours will soon be over. You don’t have to be the perfect host or deliver the perfect gifts or dinner with fifteen side dishes. There is no need to put yourself under financial strain for one day. One of my best Christmases was when I was so financially strapped that I couldn’t even put fifty pence in my meter and spent most evenings sat in the dark under my duvet to keep warm. That year I made everyone biscuits because a bag of sugar, flour and butter where all I could afford and they were the best received presents I have ever given. In the past when I have told people I am not buying presents the response is always one of relief. All you really need to do is just relax and enjoy the opportunity to see the people that you love. Give people the gift of your time and attention – that is more precious and valuable than anything you can buy in a store.

Of course this is also a time of year when we reflect on the year gone by and start to look forward to that blank new canvas called 2021. I think this year more than ever it will be a significant milestone for many with the hope that the coming year will bring with it the end of this dreadful pandemic and the opportunity to live a less restricted life. I am looking forward to all that the New Year brings and the opportunity to deliver my Reset and Refresh programme. The Power of You has had an extraordinary response this year and I’m grateful that we have been able to transform so many lives in 2020. We have lots of exciting plans for the coming months but our main priority never changes. We urge you all to put your own oxygen mask on first. Making time for self care and looking after your own well being both mentally and physically is not selfish – its critical.

So have yourself a different kind of Christmas and one that is filled with things that you love to do whether that be a long bath away from everyone, a walk on a deserted beach or even staying in bed watching horror films! Ditch the guilt and embrace indulging you – you deserve it!!

We Have Lift Off!

Welcome to “The Power of You Coach” website. Its such an exciting day for us at Power Headquarters as we have come such a long way in the last few months and to see our website out there is really quite thrilling. It feels as though all of the planning, the hard work and quite a lot of frustration and heartache has been worth the effort.

But lets take a step back to where it all began quite a few months ago. As a busy working Mum it took me a long time to realise that self care is just as important as the right food and exercise. Too often in todays fast paced society we are so busy spinning plates that we ignore the warning signs before its too late and that is exactly what happened to me. I burnt out! Mentally and physically I was in bad shape but I continued to put everybody else’s needs before my own, not realising that the best thing that I could do was to put my own oxygen mask on first so that I prioritised my own well being. Once I was forced to rest and actually do this I realised that to help others I had to help myself.

An unfit gym instructor cant lead a fitness class!

My son Joe (my Marketing Director) and I sat down and thought about how we could put together a programme that would support women like myself. A safe space where people were allowed to put themselves first without feeling guilty. We worked out a programme of self care and support with the right balance of motivation, structure, learning, support and a lot of fun and laughter and we launched our pilot programme in October. Was I nervous? I was terrified. People had paid to allow me to lead them on a journey of fulfilment and I was worried that I would let them down even though I knew that my own life experiences had taught me all I needed to know. When I pressed “live” that very first day I overcame the nerves and everything clicked into place. We delivered the most amazing month of content and changed peoples lives along the way. The ladies were so motivated and keen to continue that we set up our monthly “Power Angels” group to continue the support. It was overwhelming.

Joe and I often say to each other that we are the lucky ones. We get to do a job that improves the lives of people and help them to ditch their self limiting beliefs. I’m immensely proud of what we have achieved and together we have big plans for 2021 to help support many more women around the world achieve their full potential.

So today, website launch day, we are allowing ourselves to feel proud and excited. There will be lots more blogs to come over the next few weeks but for now we just wanted to say thank you for joining us and welcome.

Lets go girls!!

Liz x